So he thought he was a hero -- Episode 1: Quest the Fighter
by ChipChallenge149
Summary: Between Quest for Glory 4 and Quest for Glory 5, at the 10-year reunion, the hero (fighter) finds that he hasn't kept good care of Spielburg. Rated R for sexual themes.
1. Introduction

Sometime between QFG4 and QFG5 at the Famous Adventurer's Correspondence School 10 year reunion, the hero returns! His principal says: "I am glad so many of you could make it to the class of '92's 10 year reunion. As you know, this has been an exciting few years of adventuring. This class's Dudley McRoberts slayed his third dragon just last week. Your own class valedictorian, Bradley Gladstone, just recently defeated the evil wizard Garanzeck." The audience of fellow adventurers bursts into applause. "Of course, these past ten years have not been without its share of flops as well. Who can forget the death of Rodney Openheimer? Forgot to save his game before battle, poor bugger. And then there was Spielburg –" He startled to his senses. Did he just say Spielburg? "The shoddy job of heroing done there left that poor valley worse off than it was before…" The crown mumbles to itself disapprovingly. "What's that? I've just received word that the 'hero' who did that job is with here us today…" The crowd again begins to talk, people start craning their necks to look around. Time to casually head for the exit…so the hero travels back to Spielburg…to finish what he started. Quest For Glory 4½: So he thought he was a hero?

He shall be a fighter, called Quest.


	2. Story section 1

After weeks of traveling Quest finds himself back in Spielburg valley. The new Baron approaches him with two guards, saying: "Ah! So the great hero returns! Well, we are no longer in need of your services here. Unlike my father, I can take care of the valley myself. I will expect you to leave the way you came. If I see you around again you will be arrested." With an arrogant huff the Baron turns away and walks back towards the castle. This just doesn't seem to be his week. At least the pass is no longer blocked.

Quest walks three blocks west until he finds the town gates. He saw a new "trinket" stand in front. He went up to the vendor to talk. "My God! Could the legends be true? Are you the hero who so long ago served this valley? It is you! Well, you could not have returned at a better time…Spielburg is in trouble like never before. The Baron's son, Bernard, the new Baron, is a fool. Oh, by the way, my name is Merv, and I sell trinkets…" the vendor told Quest. So Quest asked about Spielburg. "Ah Spielburg. I grew up here, but traveled the world in search of new an interesting trinkets. My mom lives over by the Adventurer's guild. Lovely place, Speilburg. You could probably tell me more about it than I you. It is comprised of the town, the castle, and the valley. Oh, and then, of course, there's Bill's Laundromat Bar and Grill." Quest asked more about the Castle. "The castle's a little ways north of here. That is where the royal family and the town guards live. It used to be a fine place, but since the Baron's son has taken over it does not get a lot of visitors." Quest asked more about Bill's Laundromat Bar and Grill. "Bill's Laundromat Bar and Grill was started by some ex-Brigands after they were closed down. It is where the ol' Brigand compound used to be, in the southern part of the valley. If you go there do watch your step. Those rednecks can get a bit rowdy at times. Quest asked more about town. "Why not go see for yourself? The town is right behind us. Just watch yourself if you go into the Hero's Tale in. It's under new, seedy management." Quest changed the topic to ask about the Baron's Son. "Since the death of the Baron last Spring, his son, Barnard, has been running the valley. I would like to believe he is just arrogant and young, but in truth, I fear there is a deeper evil to him. He has hired an 'Elite Guard' to protect him. Says he never trusted his father's old guards. His sister, Elsa, would have made a much better leader if you ask me…but alas, she has disappeared." Quest asked about the Baron's Daughter. "Poor Elsa…seems she ends up missing every game. She is a year older than her brother, Bernard, so she would have been the rightful head to the throne. However, with her gone, we were left with Bernard. And a fine mess he's made of things." Quest asked about the Elite Guard. "The 'Elite Guard', nicknamed 'the Gestapo' by some less then admiring town people, are Bernard's personal guards. Their uniforms are darker blue then the other guards, and they answer only to Bernard. They're not from around here either. Hired mercenaries, they are. Watch for 'em, they're a dangerous lot." Quest changed the topic to ask about troubles. "Where do I begin? I suppose you should know that the Sheriff has been murdered. Also, Elsa, the Baron's daughter, and Bernard's sister, went missing the day after the Baron's death. I know other people are in pretty bad spots. Go explore for yourself, don't just talk to me." Quest asked about the Sheriff's murder. "His body was found 3 nights ago in his home. Stabbed in the neck, the poor guy. No way for him to go. The Sir Richard, the new town hero, handled the murder. Busted down poor guy's door in the middle of the night. They arrested the Butcher, but I'm not convinced. It doesn't seem likely that ol' Butch Beefmeister would do it. The whole thing smells funny if you ask me." Quest asked about other people's troubles. "I think just about everyone in town has their problems. Go, ask around. I, myself, am fine, thanks." Quest changed the topic to ask about trinkets. "Interested in ol' Merv's wares, are ya? Well, most of the stuff I sell is for children…But I just got a new item in today that I'm sure is fun for all ages. A wind-up meep! You're familiar with the little creatures on the west side of the valley? Well, now you can own your own! Just 10 silver each…how many can I put you down for? Oh, and I also got some industrial strength sleeping pills. Do not take with alcohol." Quest asked about the Meep Toy. "Cute little critters…pop up and down outta holes in the western corner of the valley. These little wind up dolls look just like em. And a bargain at 10 silver!" Quest asked about Sleeping Pills. "Having trouble sleeping these days? I've got the pills that'll knock you out good. Course, I wouldn't advise taking them with alcohol. That'll put you out for days." That was all Quest could talk about. "Good luck, adventurer. And please, stop by and visit ol' Merv anytime." Merv said. So Quest got his money out. "Well, right now all I have is Food Rations, sleeping pills, and meep toys. What can I get you?" Quest bought a Windup Meep Toy. "Excellent choice. Hours of fun for ages 3 and up." Quest bought Sleeping Pills. "Sleeping pills coming right up sir." He paid the gold. "Use wisely. Remember, these are what killed Elvis." Quest bought Food Rations. "Everybody needs food rations!" He paid the gold. Then Quest put his money back. "Thanks for shopping Merv's!" Merv said.

Quest went west into town. He entered the sheriff's office. This office looked familiar to him. "Thank God! Hero, you must help me!" Quest went up to the cell and talked to the butcher. "Thank God you're here! You've gotta help me! I'm innocent! I've been arrested for the murder of the sheriff! Sir Richard and Otto kicked down my door two nights ago. They claimed that I was guilty and threw me in here. They plan on hanging me, I am sure. You've got to help me, you're my only hope." Quest asked about the Sheriff. "I've always been rather fond of the sheriff, actually. I was devastated to learn of his murder. I was even more devastated when I was arrested for it! I couldn't hurt a mouse! However, I can carve up a pretty mean mouse carcass if you are ever in the mood." Quest asked about the Murder. "It happened last a few nights ago. I was working late, preparing a few leg of lambs when I heard the noise. By the time everyone got to the house, it was all over. The sheriff was dead, and the house an awful mess. Then, the very next night, I was arrested for it!" Quest asked about Richard. "He kicked down my door, and claimed that he had proof that I was the murderer. When I asked for the proof, he said that several witnesses had seen me at the crime scene, covered in blood. I am a butcher, for God's sake…when am I not covered in blood? He wouldn't even listen though. Him and Otto dragged me straight here, where I have been since." Quest asked about Otto. I have never had anything against Otto. He's always been a loyal protector of this town. However, since the sheriff's murder, he has been spending a lot of time at the Hero's Tale Inn. I don't much trust that crowd." Quest couldn't help with anything more. "Please return soon! I have a feeling my days are numbered. Lord, get me out of here!" Quest searched the sheriff's desk. He found the top drawer unlocked and opened it. Ah ha! He found the sheriff's journal. The last entry read: "I have cracked the case! I know what happened to Elsa, and tomorrow I will make some arrests. I will not write more until I have the suspects in custody. - Sheriff Meistersson."

Quest left the sheriff's office. He went to the old Kattas Tale Inn. It is now the Reputable Businessman's Club. As he entered the room, everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and looked at him. He immediately noticed three thugs holding crossbows. "Welcome to our legitimate Businessman's Social Club. The name's Al. You are that hero everyone talks about, am I mistaken? Well, I am sure you will feel right at home here. You see, we are all good, law-abiding citizens here too." Quest started to talk to Al. "What can I help you with?" Quest asked about the Club. "We're the only club in town where a legitimate business man can come to unwind. Our saying is, 'We're just a club, and you cannot prove differently.'" Quest asked about the Mafia. "Mafia? What's the mafia?" Quest asked about Otto. "Otto is one of our associates. He used to work for the city. We took him in. One day, he hopes to be made." Quest asked about the Sheriff. "The sheriff had an accident, we heard. Most dreadful. We wish his family the best." Quest asked about Murder. "Moider? What is Moider?" Quest changed his topic to ask about Rooms. "We apologize, but we no longer let rooms here." Quest was done talking with Al. "Thanks for dropping by."

Quest went out of the club. He went over to a cape shop. Walking in, he saw the beggar. "Ahoy there, welcome to Sam's cape emporium. I'm Sam and-oh wait! It's you! You're the hero who helped me out so long ago during my begging days with a few silver…With the money you gave me I made a few wise investments, and thanks to you I am now very wealthy!" Quest asked about capes. "Capes is what I do! I have capes for every occasion: Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, Goblin hunting, you name it. Some of my more popular capes are the hero's red (which you are sporting), the Confederate cape, the Camouflage cape, the UndeadSkullCape, and the Tie-DyeCape." Quest asked about the ConfederateCape. "Ah! The confederate line! Quite popular with the rough sort that hang out south of the valley. Produced by the Johnny Rebel line of hero's wear." Quest asked about the CamouflageCape. "The camouflage cape is very popular among the hunters in this valley." Quest asked about the SkullCape. "Now this is a fine cape indeed! The cape of the vampire-hunter and other undead slayers. With one of these beauties on, no undead creature can harm you at night. Worthless during the day though." Quest asked about the Tie-DyeCape. "Tie-dye cape, the cape of the hippie. The manufacturer raves that they are 'Psychedelic.' Whatever the hell that means." Quest changed the topic and asked about the Store. "I own cape stores in a few major cities, including Spielburg, Lucus, Scorsese, Stone and Zemeckis. And it is all thanks to you, and some wise investments I made with the money you gave me. And with all the new adventurers in town, this branch of my stores has become one of the most profitable!" Quest asked about investments. "Well, with the money you gave me, I first invested in some horizon growth mutual funds. That paid pretty well, but with the net I got from that, and to avoid capital gain tax, I reinvested. This time I went into a wire-less IPO. Got in at around 5 ½, and sold at 42 1/3. Sold off a portion of that, went into over-seas oil, and bought a chain of cape stores in a few cities. With the rise of adventurer's in this city, I'm now the richest man in Spielburg." Quest asked about Adventurers. "Oh yes! There has been quite a few adventurers to Spielburg since you. Lots don't last for very long. There's one in particular that really chafes me, a blue-caped fellow by the name of Sir Richard. Then there are the Brothers Jurgensen. They normally hang out at the Adventurer's guild. Then, of course, ol' Wolfgang is still around. Active too, now days. Has to be, lotsa work to be done." Quest asked about Richard. "I've never cared for Sir Richard much. Wears a light blue cape, late year Jules edition. It is rumored that he is an old academy friend of Bernard, but that might because they are both arrogant. I'd watch out for him if I were you." Quest asked about Brothers Jurgensen. "The Brothers Jurgensen are nice enough fellows…and good friends to Wolfgang. The three of them spend more time gabbing in the Adventurer's guild then they do working though. Also, they don't wear capes. Pretty queer, if you ask me, to be an hero without a cape." Quest asked about Wolfgang. "Wolfgang has been in this town for as long as I have. Went into retirement for a while, I believe. He is over at the adventurer's guild. He was a friend of the sheriff, God rest his soul." Then Quest wanted to go back and talk about Begging. "Thanks to some wise investing, my begging days are over." That was all Quest had to say. "Come by anytime!"

Quest went out and headed west. He found himself by the adventurer's guild. He went in. "Well lookie what we have here, boys. Stranger, I wouldn't show my face in this town if I were you. You call yourself a hero? Why, I've had to mop up after the mess you made years ago since I first got here." Richard started walking up to Quest. "If I were you, I'd head back the way you came. I'm the hero round these parts now." The angry stranger pushed past him and slams the door behind him. "Don't mind Sir Richard... come, chat with us for a while." Said a guy in the guild. Quest was about to talk to another guy by the window. "Oh, he never says anything. Just stands there. Poor simple fool." Said the same guy. Quest went up to a tall man. "How goes it, Littlen. My brother and I have heard many great tales about you. Though, I did picture you to be a little taller." Quest asked him about Valley. "This valley has seen many brave adventurers come and go, and still much needs to be done. I think the only reason my brother are still alive is that we spend more time talking than hero-ing." His brother said, "It's called strategizing!" "Right." Quest asked about Adventures. "You know, we've had a few adventures in our times… but I don't think adventuring is my true calling…" Quest asked him about Calling. "Well, slaying trolls is great, and who doesn't love rescuing damsels in distress…But sometimes there seems like something's missing. I dunno, at times I wish I could run wild and free…Throw off the shackles of polite society, take off my clothes and run wild and free like God made me…" His brother told Quest, "In other words, he wants to be a damn nudist…the fruitcake." Then Quest suggested he follow his dreams and become a nudist. "You know, you're right. Why shouldn't I follow my dreams and become a nudist?" His brother answered, "Uhh, because other people are in the room?" He continued, "No, Jurgensen, he's right…I've hid my true self for too long-" And with that, the mighty giant strips down off his clothes and castes them aside. "There, now that feels a lot nicer. Draftier too!" "Thanks a lot, 'Hero'" said his brother. Quest went over to take the man's clothes. "Yeah, go ahead and take those if you want. I have no need for them anymore." "Wait til Mom here's about this…" said his brother. Quest picked up the giant pair of clothes and stowed them in his backpack. He went to talk to the giant man again. "Aww, littlen, I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to be hanging free and easy!" Quest asked about Richard. "My brother says Richard isn't such a bad guy…but I don't know…something 'round the eyes…But you're your own man. Judge for yourself." Quest asked about Brothers. "Have we not been introduced yet? My name is Jurgensen, as is my brother. We're adventurers from the north. We came to Spielburg because we heard that it was a famous adventuring town." Then Quest asked about Nudity. "Ah, free and easy, just the way God intended. Thanks a lot for the advice!" Then his brother said, "Yeah, thanks a lot." Quest finished speaking with the naked giant guy. Then he went to his brother. "Don't mind ol' Richard. He's just that way. But I'm glad you stopped by. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jurgensen, and this is my brother Jurgensen." "Hello." "We are adventurers here in Spielburg, and have been fans of yours for quite some time. You're somewhat of a legend here in this valley." Quest asked him about Legend. "They say there came a hero from the east…or the west. I forget. Long story short, you beat the hell out of Baba Yaga, the brigands, and a few other nasties. Perhaps you will sit and regale us with stories of old sometime?" Then Quest asked him about Valley. "Sometime we will swap adventure stories. Did I ever tell you about how I defeated the brigands?" The tall brother said, "Actually, that was him." "Oh, right." Quest asked about Richard. "Don't mind Richard, he doesn't mean any harm. He's just a little cocky, that's all." Quest asked about Brothers. "We're the Jurgensens, like I said before. We're from back east. Professional adventurers. Our family has been adventurer's for over five generations. It's in our blood." Quest asked about adventures. "Wanna hear about the time I defeated a dragon with nothing but a broken broomstick? Or the time I kick-boxed a whole horde of vampires? Perhaps you would be interested in the time I saved a small village from killer army-ants?" "Or perhaps he would like to hear a true story?" "Oh, hm. I will have to think on that then." Then Quest asked about Town. "Nice little town… Oh, by the way, just ask if you ever need a place to stay…My brother and I are renting the house right next door… we have a free couch if you ever need one." So Quest asked about Place to Stay. "Wow, I can't believe *you* want to spend the night at our place…Tell ya what. We'll leave the door unlocked for you."

Quest decided to talk to Wolfgang. "Well, allbe! I never thought I'd see you again in this life time! A lot has changed in here in this town. Come, chat with us." Quest asked about town. "Where do I start? Well, if you haven't heard yet, poor ol' Sheriff Meisterson has been murdered. He and his wife, stabbed to death in the middle of the night. A cowardly crime. Also the inn, the general store and the tavern are all new management, if you haven't been there yet." Quest then asked about sheriff. "The sheriff was a good friend of mine and a fine man. Sir Richard arrested the butcher for his murder. I'm surprised. I never thought ol' Butch Beefmeister would ever do anything like that. But I haven't a reason to doubt Sir Richard." Quest asked about Hero's Tale Inn. "Yeah, after them cat-like people left the place went up for sale. It was bought a short time ago. New name too. Something like 'Legitimate Businessman's Social Club' or something of the sort. I've spoken to them once or twice. All I can say is that they seem like a dangerous lot. Filthy Italian-Spielburgians." Quest asked about General Store. "General store is now some sort of coffee joint. However, it is only open at night. I don't stay up that late so I've never been in there, but I heard that the coffee is over priced and pretentious." Then Quest asked about Tavern. "Rumor has it that there are a bunch of little ladies running that place now. I wouldn't know. Wife won't let me go drinking anymore." Quest asked about Wolfgang's adventuring. "Guess you noticed that I have my cape on again? That's right, I've come out of retirement. Course, I'm not alone. There's a lotta other heroes round these parts now. And all of them know of your legend." Then Quest asked about Heroes. "Well aside from me and you there is Sir Richard, the two Jurgensen brothers, and that stranger over there." Quest asked about Sir Richard. "Sir Richard came here a while ago. I think he stays in the castle at night, real chummy with Baron Barnard. He doesn't really seem all that eager to help people, but he is on the side of the law so I respect him." Then Quest asked about Jergensens. "These two are good guys. We spend quite a bit of time shooting the breeze in here." "Perhaps a little too much time." "Hey, we're resting our legs until the next big adventure." They said. Next Quest asked about Stranger. "Ah, him. He doesn't talk much. Rumor has it he will be appearing in some game called Hero6. if I am not mistaken. I haven't verified that though, this guild has no internet access." Quest asked about Legend. "Everyone's heard of you! The story of Baba Yaga, the curse on the Baroness.. you're a legend!" So Quest asked about Adventure's Guild. "The guild has seen record membership in the last few months. Lots to be done in this valley. Course, seems like we spend more time gabbering in here than actually adventuring." "Strategizing! It is not gabbering, it is strategizing."

Quest walked over to the logbook and read. There were quite a few entries in the log book: Jurgensen, Wolfgang, Jergensen, Sir Richard, Wolfgang, Jergensen, Hero6, Wolfgang…Once again, he signed his name with a flourish. Then Quest walked over to the bulletin board. Five notices were here now. One was from the fairies of the fairy ring! It read: Help needed in removing giant from fairy ring. Giant over 10 feet tall, loves to dance. Please help! Another one read: Missing; Elsa Von Spielburg (Again). Abducted from castle in middle of night. Huge reward! Inquire at sheriff's station. The next one read: Haunted Church: In need of expert exorcist (minimum of 3 years experience required) Reward of eternal salvation offered. Inquire at Spielburg church, just outside of town. Another notice read: Meeps need help! Hero needed to help meeps battle the vicious beaudine. West side of valley. Please hurry! The last one read: Lost son. My son ran away from home and he is very young and in danger. He is six foot two inches tall, 27 years old, carries staff with human skull on end. Reward offered for safe return. Inquire at Witch's Tree, east side of Spielburg.

Quest left the Guild. He walked east to the town gates. Then he went up north to see the centaur, Hilde. As he talked to her, she told him: "Hello, I'm sorry, but I don't have any apples to sell to you today." Then Quest asked about apples. "With no one to tend to the farm north of town I have nothing to sell. I can either farm the fruit then let it rot because there is no one to sell it, or sit here. I think I chose wisely." So Quest asked about help. "I could really use some help tending to the garden if you have the time. I can pay 1 gold a day. Would you be interested in the work?" Quest told her yes. "Excellent! Thank you so much." Then he left south. He continued south through the gate. Then he went north out of town. Heading west, he was in the garden. He saw a hoe on the floor. He grabbed the hoe and got to work. After several minutes, he finished working the garden. Phew, that was a lot of work. Quest went back to the apple stand. Hilde said to him "Ah, I see that you have finished your work by the dirt on your outfit. Here is your money." Hilde gave him 1 gold.

Then Quest asked Hilde about Father. "My father passed away last spring. I have no other family alive. I will miss him greatly." Quest asked about Town. "There is a lot going on in town, but I'm not the one to ask." At last, Quest asked for Date again. "Hey, I'd love to. Why don't we meet in the farm a little before sundown? I promised you we'd date in about a year in game 1, and now I'll make good. Bubye." She said as he left, for the garden. Then Quest arrived at the garden and Hilde saw him. "You're right on time. I see you dressed up nice for the evening." Quest wondered, was that sarcasm? He decided to make small talk. Then they made pleasant small talk. He decided to engage in witty banter. He made some witty banter. It was enjoyed by all. Quest decided to comment on the weather. "Yes, the weather has been nice lately." Then Quest decided to compliment Hilde. "Thank you for that compliment." Of course, Quest had to ask for sex. "I thought you'd never ask!" Quest walked up and did it. That was interesting. Hey pal, you asked for it! "Thanks a lot for the nice date."

He hurried back into town. He also passed the apples then headed to the Sheriff's house next to Starbucks. Quest stood stunned for a moment at the scene before him. Whoever killed the sheriff did not do so easily. The house shows signs of a massive struggle. He looked around to find anything useful. The drawer was the only place with something useful. He opened the drawer and noticed that someone had already gone through it pretty heavily. He was about to close it when he noticed what looked like a piece of piece of tape on the top of the inside. Reaching his hand underneath he comes find a key. A small engraving on the key read 'Skeleton Key'. Could this unlock any door in town? Then Quest left the house. He went south to the front of the town.

It was now night. Quest saw the cape store was locked. It was time to test the skeleton key. The door clicked open. It was easier to save his money and steal capes now. He looked at the back wall at the four capes. The left cape had a skull on it. He stole a skull cape in his size. The mid-left cape had a southern cross in it. He stole Confederate cape in his size. The mid-right cape was a camouflage cape. He stole camouflage cape in his size. The right cape was a hippie cape. He stole hippie cape in his size. Then he left the shop. Quest went to north inside town. Starbucks seemed to be open here. Then he went west inside town. Passing the "Coyote Ugly" bar, he noticed that there was some party going on inside. A rouge-ish sort stood next to a wall peering around suspiciously. He was now in a new part of town; farther west than it previously went. A house numbered 1353 came up first. It was on a locked door. Using the skeleton key, the door clicked open. He was in the quaint and cozy home of Crusher. He searched the bedside drawer. He found 18 gold in the drawer. Then he searched the larger drawer for gold. He found 2 gold in the underwear drawer. It almost wasn't worth it. Quest left the house.


	3. Story section 2

Quest went east to the apple stand area. Then he went south to the front of town. He went back west until he got to the house. The door was unlocked. In the house, he searched the chest for gold. First he asked himself if he was sure he wanted to rob the Jurgensen brothers. Then Quest tried again. He found 4 gold in the chest. He pocketed the money. He went to the dresser to search for gold. Again, he thought, was he sure he wanted to rob the Jurgensen brothers. He tried again. He found 6 gold in the chest. He pocketed the money. Then Quest went to sleep on the couch. He curled up on the old hardwood bench and tried to get as comfortable as possible. After a while he finally fell asleep. He awoke a tad stiff, but refreshed. Then he left the house. He walked east to the town front. Then he went north and saw Hilde the centaur. Quest went west and saw the butcher's shop. He knocked on the door. After a few moments, the door swung open. He entered the Butcher's shop. Then he spoke with the Butcher's wife. "Thank the Lord you are here. You must help me! My husband has been arrested. They stormed into our house at night, accusing him of murder, and took him to jail!" Quest asked about her husband. "My husband is a good man, incapable of murder! He and the sheriff were friends, for God's sake! And besides, my husband was with me all night." Quest asked about Murder. "I found out about the murder when they were breaking our door down to arrest my husband. And to think, my husband found out that he was being accused of his best friend's murder at the same time! There is not justice here." He asked about Sheriff. "The sheriff was a good man, an honest and hard working man. And so was my husband…I fear that soon my husband will join him." Quest had to ask about "They". "Sir Richard and some of the Baron's men. The stormed our house at night, and took my husband. I pleaded with them, but they would have none of it. There was nothing I could do!" Quest asked about Sir Richard. "An awful man who calls himself a hero. He is no more interested in justice than he is in helping people. And with the support of the Baron Barnard, there is nothing that can be done to stop him. I wish Elsa were still around. She was a good person." He asked about Elsa. "Elsa was a good and kindly woman. She would visit town now and then. She disappeared the night Baron Stefan, the previous Baron, died…The towns people wanted to know want happened to her, but the Baron's son, Barnard, would say nothing. I believe the sheriff was investigating, but, alas, now his is gone too." Then he asked about Baron Barnard. "Barnard Von Spielburg was a rich brat as a kid and has grown into a tyrant. Most people are afraid to speak out against him. I have nothing more to loose, so I will say it loud." Quest had nothing left to say. "God's speed hero, for if anyone can save us now it is you!"

He left the shop. Then he entered the alleyway. He found Kaspar in the alleyway. The small man looked up as Quest spoke. "Well hello! Long time, no see! How'vya been? I can see by the look on your face that you are surprised to see me living here. Lemme explain. I sold my store to a vampire so I could buy these books and live in an alley. Hmmm. Well, it sounded rational at the time." Quest asked about Store. "My great-grandfather built the store, and every generation since then has worked it…Well, I suppose that is until I sold it for books… I'm kinda regretting it now. I wanted, originally, to sell it for adventures. But then I found a book sale in a mail order catalog I had. Kinda depressing, Living in an alley and all. Suppose I shouldn't have sold my shop to a vampire." He asked about Vampire. "Bagi isn't such a bad guy. He paid in cash, and had the whole shop converted to a Starbucks in two days. At first the towns people were a little suspicious of him, but after a while we realized he doesn't bite." Then he asked about Depression. "It's just depressing, being a bum because I was too foolish to put the money to good use. I sure wish I had the deed to my shop back. But that's my problem not yours." Quest asked about Books. "Nice, huh? I bought them with the money I got for the shop. I have books on every subject, I do! Course, I've read most of them. Now I'm just waiting for the next Harry Potter book to come out." Then Quest asked about Alley. "It gets cold here at night, and is a little dirty, but besides that it is home. I suppose I should have used some of the cash I got from the shop to buy a home, but whatcanyado?" Then he asked about Town. "Well, I'm sure by now you've seen most of the changes. I don't get around much now days. If you know of any good rumors, you should probably tell me." Quest was done talking. "Well, drop by anytime, old friend."

Quest left the alleyway. He then entered Coyote Ugly. He went up to the bartender, who was a woman this time. "Hey there, cutie, what can I do you for?" He asked about Coyote Ugly. "The five of us started Coyote Ugly not to long ago. We decided on Spielburg because of its wonderful scenic location." Quest asked about Bartenders. "We are like sisters here. Of course, I'm the only one who ever seems to make a drink…" He asked about Thief's Guild. "There used to be an illegal crime family living under the old bar here. Once we moved in we converted the downstairs into our bedrooms. No more 'Thief's Guild.' I say good riddance!" Quest asked about drinks. "You name it, we serve it. As long as it is hard alcohol or beer. We don't serve Dragon's Breath, however." So Quest asked about Dragon's Breath. "The old bar, called something unoriginal like Aces and Eights, served that drink. Problem was, the drink turned people to ash. Killed a good many people until the courts stepped in. Needless to say the lawsuits were massive. Closed the place down. There's still a mug of that stuff under the counter here. Here, why don't you take it." Then he asked about town. "Spielburg is a hell of a town, I'll tell ya that!" Quest asked about customers. "Everyone in town comes to Coyote Ugly. We know just about everyone. But one of our best customers, the town butcher, Mr. Beefmeister, was just arrested the other day." So Quest asked about Butcher. "Poor ol Mr Beefmeister was our best customer. Great guy, really. They arrested him for the murder of Mr. Meistersson, town sheriff. It's loaded, if you ask me. Mr. Meistersson and Mr. Beefmeister were great friends, in here all the time together. Poor Mr. Sourdough, the town Baker, is heartbroken." Then Quest asked about murder. "Whoever murdered the Mr. Meistersson, it wasn't poor Beefmeister, I can tell you that. I've never much cared for Sir Richard, the fellow that arrested him either. Richard ordered a wine spritzer here once. What type of man drinks that?" He asked about Baker. "Talk to him yourself, if you want to. Poor guy used to be in here day and night playing Go Fish. Now he just sits there playing Solitaire. Breaks my heart." So them he asked for a date. "I'll make you a deal. If you help poor Mr. Beefmeister, I'll go out with you. He was arrested a few nights ago for a crime I know he didn't commit. Prove it and we'll have some fun." That was all Quest had to say. "Don't be a stranger now, ya hear?" Quest got his money out. He bought a Keg to go. "Closet alcoholic, eh? Fair enough…that'll be 5 gold." He paid the gold. "Enjoy…" He put all the pills into the ale… it dissolved quickly. Then he left the bar.

Next he went west to the new part of town. He entered the bank. He started talking to the banker. "Hello, welcome to the First Bank of Spielburg. How can I help you?" Quest asked about bank. "This is the First Bank of Spielburg. We do savings and loans here. We even got ourselves an AMTM, just like them big city banks. Quest asked about loans. "We give loans in 100 gold increments, for 5 day periods at a time, with 10% a day interest. That means if you don't bring us 161 gold at the end of 5 days, we come after you." But he didn't want to take 100 gold loan. He asked about savings. "Leave your gold here with us and ye'll get 5% interest a day. That really adds up!" Quest deposited his money. Fighters were suggested to everything they had. He deposited 119. Then he continued to speak with the banker. "Welcome back, what can I do for you?" Quest asked about AMTM. "Stands for Automatic Magic Teller Machine. It's right there in the corner. Ye'll need a AMTM card and a pin number." Quest wanted to ask about Aces and Eights Tavern. "Yeah, so? I used to work there. I guess you recognized me eh. Crusher and I worked there for a few years until we got shut down for serving drinks that killed people. Lawsuit after lawsuit was filed by the families of people who drank the Dragon's Breath…Anyhow, some new folks own the tavern now. Call it Coyote Ugly." He asked about Dragon's Breath. "Some bleeding heart liberal activist types say a bar shouldn't be allowed to serve deadly drinks. Then when you get the Federal Drug Administration involved the shit really hits the fan. Trust me." Quest asked about lawsuits. "Since when does having someone turned to dust by a deadly drink constitute 'Wrongful Death'?" Then Quest asked about Coyote Ugly. "Yeah, owned by a bunch of broads. Where is this town going?" Quest decided to ask about town. "It's right outside the door behind you." That was all. "See ya." Quest left the bank.

By now, he didn't feel like anything else could be done that day. He sat around waiting for night. It was getting dark… He headed for the opposite end of town to the brothers house. On his way he saw the man outside the bar again. He attempted to get past him but all the man said was "I could take ya, pal." Quest tried again to talk but the man told him "I ain't got nuttin to say to you." Quest continued on his way. When he arrived, the door was unlocked. He curled up on the old hardwood bench and tried to get as comfortable as possible. After a while he finally fell asleep. He awoke a tad stiff, but refreshed. Then he left the house. He went east and left town. After this, Quest went north and to the healer's house. He knocked on the door. Someone from the other side said "One moment, please." Inside the house, he talked to her. "Well helllooooo! A lot of the towns people and I had a bet going on whether we would ever see you alive again. Looks like I lost." Quest, as always, asked about town. "I suppose you've noticed all the changes in town since last time, eh? I don't keep up with gossip much, nor do I go out often, but I can tell you there are a few new places in town. Coyote Ugly, new ownership at the Hero's Tale Inn, Bill's Laundromat Bar and Grill, Cape Store, and Starbucks. And that's just to name a few." Quest started asking about Coyote Ugly. "Wild place, that Coyote Ugly bar. It is where Aces and Eights used to be. Owned by a bunch of ladies that moved here a short time ago. Nice bunch." Quest asked about Hero's Tale Inn. "I liked the cat-like people who used to own that place. The new owners seem a little cult-ish. Rumor has it that crusher and Otto have fallen in with them. That makes them dangerous too." Then Quest asked about Bill's Laundromat Bar and Grill. "Never been there myself, as I'm not a big fan of the party-crowd good ol' boy types, but I know it is south of town." Quest asked about Cape Store. "Sam, the owner, owns a few of them. I knew Sam back when he was as poor as dirt. Now look at him." Quest then asked about Starbucks. "The owner of Starbucks coffee could sure use a tan, I'll say that much. And those cappuccino potions are dark magic, I can tell you that!" Quest went back and asked about Potions. "I have all the usuals in stock. Healing, Stamina and Mana potions." After asking about them, Quest bought a Healing Potion. "There ya'go. One healing potion." Quest continued and asked about Flying Lizard. "So, you've heard about or noticed my Pterosaur is missing…He went missing a few days ago. I have searched everywhere. I fear the worse." Quest asked about Reward. "I will pay 10 gold for the safe return of that little guy. I am very worried." Quest figured out everything he needed by now. "Hope I see you again."

Quest left the house. Then he went east three blocks. The giant, who gave him the gem last time around, came out of the cave. Quest heard him speak. "Like the winter Mighty, Return the stout hero from ago, Apples did save thine kin, Again a barter to be made, Now Barter or Fight, Hasten to free me of homosexual garments. Like Mighty Winter, Return the stout hero from ago, Apples did save thine kin, Again a barter to be made, Now Barter or Fight, Hasten to free thee of homosexual garments." Quest asked about Fighting. "Fiercer fighter there is Not, My Frost Axe makes ash of stone. But alas thy enemies know not of thy wrath, but of thy homosexual garments." Then Quest asked about Homosexuality. "Though twas a gift from a relative, Yon that from whene came thy baggy, fruity pants…And Fruitiness of pants hast overshadowed, With flaming leather mini-vest. Many a might foe excite in slander, With flames such as 'Ice Homosexual.'" Quest asked about Trading. "Shed these foul clothes, And bring such a bargain I shall For a fit of nonfruity garments, a gift I shall bare." Quest was convinced. He took out the giant Jurgensen's clothes and gave it to the ice giant. "Fiery allegations Will be Warded, These garments are most heterosexual In trade is Offered A Ring, Whose owner will be shunned by Ice's wrath. With this Ring wear, all Things cold will be your Friend." The ice giant changed into his new clothes. "Ah! Much better." Then the ice giant left again.

Quest had to go to the mountain for his next stop. He went back two blocks west, north two blocks, and east two block until he saw the mountain. He went uphill to Erasmus' house. No warning signs appeared this time. "STAND FAST! Oh, I guess it doesn't matter how you stand. Erasmus doesn't live here anymore. The Baron Barnard Von Spielburg has Foreclosed on this castle…and…I am currently unemployed!" Quest asked about Erasmus. "You remember Erasmus… the wizard who watches - err, watched - over this valley? I was his loyal gargoyle for many years. I used to make people answer three questions… I was good at it too. The first two questions were always the same, but the second was a zinger. Oh, I miss him so much!" Quest asked about Baron Barnard. "The Baron is nothing like his father. Erasmus has been here since the very first Baron came to this valley! Barnard Von Spielburg showed up one day with about five guards. He demanded to be let in. He could not answer the questions so I was forced to magic his ass down the mountain. Well, a couple days later we get a letter from him saying that this castle is his property. Because Erasmus never bought it (how could he, he owned it before the Barons came) it was his property. Rather than fight and disrupt the balance of the valley, Erasmus, the good wizard, left peacefully." Then Quest asked about Castle. "This castle is now the Baron's property… though I'd like to see him get past me. This is the only home I've ever known…" The gargoyle's big stone lip began to quiver. So Quest asked about unemployment. "Without Erasmus here I have no job. I just sit here. Not many people looking for gargoyles these days. Would you mind taking my business card and letting me know if you know anyone looking for a guard?" Quest told him Yes. "I knew you'd help! Here you go." The gargoyle threw down a small business card. "Can I list you as a reference, by the way?" Quest had more to do now.

He went back downhill. Then he went back west two blocks and north one block. A tree house was here. He climbed through the small opening of the house. A witch spoke to him. "So, it is the young hero that the spirits have been telling me about… I have been told that you can help me, and the spirits say I can help you as well." Quest spoke to her. "Ahhh, the young hero. The spirits have told me about you. I've been expecting you to drop by. I am in need of your help, and the spirits tell me that I can help you as well…" Quest asked about Help. "Yes, we most certainly can help each other. I have something that I forsee you needing in your quests. And you, the spirits say, can help me as well… with my son. Allow me to explain. My son, Larry, is a good natured boy. That does not play out well in our evil family. He stormed out of here about a month ago vowing to not return until he 'Becomes evil.' Poor little fool. I've been watching him trough the spirits and so far his attempts to become evil are pathetic. He has broken into the Spielburg catacombs and mail-ordered a pathetic alter. Your job is to get him to come home as son as possible. I will reward you well for it." Quest then asked about Catacombs. "The catacombs are below the Spielburg cemetery to the west of town. My foolish son has pried open the bars and made himself a home there. Poor fool." Quest asked about Son. "Larry is a slow boy. But he does try to impress his mother…sometimes to a fault. I really want him back at home. I just know he isn't eating well in the catacombs." Then Quest asked about Reward. "The reward I have for you is something you will most certainly need. I will not tell you what it is, as the spirits say you would not understand, but you will find use for it." So Quest asked about Tree. "This is where I live. This tree is still alive and is strong with the spirits. The particular spirits who live in this tree are over ten thousand years old." Then Quest asked about Spirits. "You mortals ignore the spirits, no matter how hard they try to talk to you…The spirits know the future… and one has little to do but listen." Quest asked about Witch-craft. "Yes, some call me a witch. Not many of them are still alive. What were you asking?" Quest had finished talking to her. "I'll be watching you through the spirits."

Quest left the tree-house. He had to find more to do. Quest walked west two blocks. Then he walked north one block.


	4. Story section 3

Quest continued on east, then north. He had found Erana's Peace. Looking at the stone, he saw filthy hippy scum sat around smoking pot. He talked to the hippie from Tarna. "Dude, you remind us of 'The Man'. And we don't hang with 'The Man'" But Quest had a rainbow cape. He put on the TieDye cape. He talked again to the hippie. "Groovy groovy threads, man. Come, rap with us." Quest asked about Hippies. "Man, being a hippie is like, about free love and stuff, man. We live off the earth, and the earth loves us for it, ya'know? We're all about fighting 'The Man'!" Then he asked about Free Love. "Free love, dude! Like, casting off the social shackles and living, man! Well, actually it is just having sex with hairy women who are too stoned and stupid to say 'no'…" Then Quest asked about Jobs. "Working is for, like, conformists. We sit around all day smoking pot because we're in touch with ourselves. We live off the land, man, not off the gold and silver. Simplify!" Quest then asked about Erana's Peace. "Man, this place is groovy. Its like, the aura and stuff! The vibe of this place is totally all about free love." Then he asked about Bong. "Yeah man, don't leave home without it! You got it, we'll smoke it, dude." Quest asked about Drugs. "Dude, its like, the stronger the better. We'll smoke it all. You got something that'll fry our brains, bring it on, dude!" Quest said Goodbye. "Take it easy, dude." Quest had to do something better than talk to them. He got out his Dragon's Breath. Salim said, "Got something for us to smoke? Well, man, it's like, God gave us stuff, why not smoke it?" He poured the Dragon's Breath into the water bong. "Dude! Dude, this stuff is like totally strong and stuff!" Don't drink the Dragon's Breath. As if sensing the threat gone, the tree replenishes itself with fruit. Quest picked up the filthy water bong. Then he enjoyed some of the delicious fruit. He went up to the flowers and thought he had no need to pick flowers like some sort of fairy.

He went south then east. He saw the ogre he had killed. It was in a wheelchair now. A lawyer was also there. The lawyer told him, "So, the mugger returns to the scene of the crime! The audacity of the common thug never fails to amaze me. You have a hell of a civil suit on your hands, mister… Robbery, battery, assault with a deadly weapon…My client has witnesses that say you beat him up, then broke into his safety-box and robbed him. Then you left my client for dead. You're going to pay, mister. We're taking you to court!" The lawyer was probably the most evil of all the creatures in the valley. The ogre seems to still be in a lot of pain from the trashing he received in QFG1. Quest asked about Ogre. "Mr. O'Conner is his name! Ogre is a very racist term, by the way. They prefer to be called Ogrithiets. And Mr. O'Conner has a list of charges against you." Quest asked about Charges. "Assault with a deadly weapon, assault with intent to do great bodily harm, trespassing, Breaking and entering, attempted murder, felony robbery, felony battery, felling the scene of a crime…You're looking at 15 years minimum, buddy." Then he asked about Lawyer. "My name is Mark Peterson, and I'll be representing Mr. O'Conner here today." He asked about Court. "You heard me right, mister. We'll take you to court for every last silver you own. With the charges against you, you'll be lucky if you don't see jail time. Of course, there always is the option of settling out of court." So Quest asked about Settling. "My client will be willing to drop the charges against you for 200 gold…That is more than generous given his medical bills and… my cut." Quest said Goodbye. "Don't leave town, buddy."

Quest entered the cave. A very obviously inflatable bear stood in the center of the cave. He walked right past the bear. He found himself back in the Kobold's cave. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust. When he was finally able to see he noticed four very large cavemen. The one nearest the door spoke, "Ourg, ooohuruh! Ooooo, huoorg! Ah, terrible sorry. I have a bit of a cold and it is congesting my throat. Come, let us talk." Quest heard three cavemen in the back talking, "…yes, yes, I see that, but if you ask me most of Monet's later work is very sophomoric." Hmmm, seemed like a conversation that was a tad too high-brow for him. But he spoke to the caveman in front, "Damnit. I suppose you were able to tell our decoy was fraudulent. It's our fault for ordering it over PVC. Well, since you are here I suppose I had best make introductions. My name is Patrick R. Hambroni the Third. Over there is Walter Burnton, Throg, and William Fitzpatrick." They said, "Tis a pleasure, sir" "Good day sit" "Pleasure to meet you" and Patrick continued, "We are Cro-Magnon people, though I am sure you surmised that from the beginning. And who might you be?" So Quest asked about Cave. "We've owned quite a few caves in our time, even have a timeshare on a cave in Hawaii.. But our of all the caves we have found, this is the only one that really has the 'dank.' It is hard to get the 'dank' just perfect. We do quite enjoy it here." Then Quest asked about Inflatable Bear. "It looked so realistic in the magazine! But then we get it here and you can see the seams! And it is so hard to find a good guard for a cave. I heard the old owner had a real bear… It is a shame we cannot afford a live guard."

**Check back to see the story as it progresses...**


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